The ‘Good Christian’ Contradiction

• Anita Cheria reflects on the life and death of Shiney, a woman whose obedience and religion could not protect her from violence and isolation.
• The piece exposes how ideas of being a “Good Christian” can silence women and enable suffering within families and religious spaces.
• It calls on communities to rebuild religion around compassion, care, and accountability rather than control and endurance.

Author: Anita Cheria
Disclaimer: This piece was originally published on Open Space Chatroom. The piece mentions suicide.

Meet Anita Cheria

Anita Cheria has worked in the social sector for over three decades, combining volunteering and consulting with several campaigns and organisations. She is the Director of OpenSpace, a campaign support and training organisation, and also consults with the Norwegian Human Rights Fund and JCOR (Justice Coalition of Religious).

Anita’s work has consistently focused on addressing gender bias and creating spaces rooted in justice and care. She believes in keeping spaces open to share thoughts, to listen, and to build understanding through honest dialogue. Through her writing and advocacy, she invites readers to question, to engage, and to imagine faith spaces that are safe, compassionate, and courageous.

A good Christian, Shiney, a woman, a mother of three, died by suicide. Along with her daughters aged 9 &11, on the 28th Feb 2025.

Shiney was born in a ‘good Christian family’,

Way back in 1982, over four decades ago.

From a young age, she was well instructed,

About daily mass, family prayers,

Confessing sins and obedience,

She followed it all with ritual discipline.

In the early 2000’s as she turned 20,

She remained obedient, just as she was taught,

Completed her studies and trained as a nurse,

Got married into a family of her parents’ choice.

A respectable Christian family,

Who asked her to leave her job,

To stay home and take care of them.

She did not protest,

She passed the ‘Good Christian’ test.

In the next phase of life too,

She remained true to her upbringing,

‘Adjusted’ to domestic violence silently,

Bore three children, first a boy, and then two girls,

What more can a good Christian woman do?

She played her part as a good wife and daughter-in-law,

A good mother and a good parishioner.

Christian women bear the responsibility,

Of continuing not just the family,

But to add numbers to their community,

The Christian bloodline.

It was only last year, in 2024, that her picture

Of a good Christian family developed a deep crack.

None in her family could any longer ignore,

Her bruised, broken body, black and blue,

Some chided her parents to take her back.

When things go wrong, daughters have a tough time,

With no place to call their home or their own.

Taught to be ‘obedient and to belong’

To her birth family before marriage

And her husband’s after that.

Her parents were unhappy,

The perfect picture of their good Christian broke,

A married daughter was back with her daughters,

An unacceptable, uneasy responsibility,

A case of domestic violence was filed,

Against her good husband and his family.

In the last one year, it all changed for Shiney.

Displaced and without support, she tried all she could,

To find a job, care for her children,  

And the most difficult, I fear, was to find herself all alone,

While the case remains, Shiney is no more.

Shiney, during the last year, knocked on the doors of several Catholic institutions for help, for her daughters’ schooling, and to gain experience and get a job. While struggling to find support, she also faced the stigma, blame and discrimination of a ‘broken marriage’.

Today, a case of domestic violence and abetment to suicide is filed against Noby, Shiney’s successful, abusive husband. An enquiry has been requested against Noby’s brother, Bobby Cheriyil (a priest and trained lawyer), now in Australia, who is accused of playing an active role in blocking Shiney’s chances of getting a job and supporting his brother’s abuse.

While enquiries and investigations will take time, and the last trigger that led to their deaths is still being debated, Noby’s refusal to pay back the loan taken out in Shiney’s name for his family seems to have been a pressure point, as it was part of Shiney’s last phone call to Noby.

Sharing a link to one of the reports on this case.

Editor’s Note

Anita’s piece leaves us with a question that stays in the heart. What happens when religion and silence become complicit in suffering? At Faith Futures Collective, we believe that stories like Shiney’s must be remembered and spoken about. They remind us that justice within religious communities begins with honesty, empathy, and the courage to confront what we have long ignored.